Tomorrow you would have been two.

I sit here wondering what your voice would sound like,

the shrill of your precious laugh,

the shape of your grin,

the rhythm of your tiny feet as your big brother chases you through the living room.

Instead, I sit here with a void in my heart,

and a piece of my body missing, ripped away before I could hold you in my arms.

I still beg why.

I still don’t understand.

I still ache when people ask how many children I have—

and I have to decide what answer to give.

And yet… I hold sorrow and joy together.

As I snuggle your baby sister against my chest and admire your ever-growing big brother.

I wish you were here with us.

My precious baby, I honor you,

I carry you in my heart each day and always will.

To the two years we didn’t get